he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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