smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
