My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
