Welp...herpes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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