I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
