This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
