the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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