I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
