threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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