I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize