i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
