Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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