it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
