I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
