She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
