his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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