Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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