woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
what the fuck happened to the tacos
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
