My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
