I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
