I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
