We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dicks are not precious.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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