there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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