she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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