so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
