I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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