He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
