Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
