She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
