It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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