Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
