Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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