i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize