it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
