i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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