Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
