Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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