There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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