I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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