I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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