I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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