I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
