Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
