Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
