is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
