I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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