Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
