I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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