i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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