I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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