Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I skipped work to stalk him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
