my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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