Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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