actually, I'm a sock model
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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