Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
