He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
