Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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