He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I party with great urgency now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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