I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
