nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
