Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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