just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
