This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
