Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
