Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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