I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
