I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
