so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
