Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
