Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
