The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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