her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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