K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
