i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Randomize
