Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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