It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
