i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
